PS. It’s a german movie titled ‘Der verlorene Mann’. Since TMDB added an english title, I’m assuming it’ll either get an english dub or is available to watch with english subtitles.
After watching the trailer, I was so thrilled that I really wanted to see it in theaters (despite not being a fan of cishet romance, though their old age was a plus that convinced me after all) and now wish I didn’t. Save your money. (It feels like a typical ZDF movie and I’m surprised it was screened to theaters in the first place. So, likely, it’ll be shown in tv during ZDF’s movie evening times anyways. Cheaper.)
I mean, the polyamory aspect itself was fine – always based on consent and all. But it was very short.
Ending spoilers (click on the arrow)
Bernd basically kicked Kurt out by finding a spot for him in a shared living facility for people with dementia – and he didn’t even tell Hanne about it until after they had moved out.
While I can understand that it was probably too much for him to handle, I still felt his decision was a bit extreme – especially since it was incredibly selfish on his part. I mean, moving to another country and leaving Kurt behind in their old hometown just to ensure he couldn’t possibly follow them – and doing all of this behind his wife’s back (when they’re supposed to be making all decisions together) … That was really awful. Above all, you could see by the end that Hanne wasn’t happy about it at all.
That said, I really enjoyed the time the three of them spent together – especially their visit to the museum and the dancing in the living room. That felt like a genuine triad relationship; there was even some real chemistry sparking between Kurt and Bernd. (They also held hands, were dancing and Kurt leaned his head on Bernd’s shoulder in the public.)
I mean, Kurt really hurt Hanne in the past (the reason for their divorce was pretty nasty, after all), but… I don’t know. At first, Bernd insisted that Kurt should stay with them – arguing that, as a pastor, it was the “right thing to do” in the eyes of god – yet he ultimately became the very reason his wife was unhappy and why a man/friend suffering from dementia had to die all alone. Kurt didn’t exactly have a great time in that shared living facility.
And sure, dementia is a brutal disease; neither of them is exactly young anymore, and caregiving would have eventually become overwhelming. Still, the way things played out toward the end felt truly unfair. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind at all if Hanne decided to divorce Bernd, because he’s not exactly the greatest husband either. Typical pastor. (Yes, I’m biased.)
Kurt was an interesting character and his dementia was a good trait, script-wise, as there’s no right and wrong when it comes to writing dementia (due to the illness progressing/manifesting very individually) and you can see that the writers used that freedom to the fullest.
I really appreciated how much Kurt valued consent – especially in that scene where he and Hanne were out for a walk, and Kurt, thinking they were still married, assumed he could just reach out and touch her (on her face or her hand, for instance). Hanne then said “no” (which Kurt accepted it immediately!), and Kurt then said: “Show me. Tell me where I’m allowed to touch you.” Hanne showed him, and he respected it. Good scene.
| Criteria | Scores | My Score |
|---|---|---|
| Acting | 1-5 | 5 |
| Script | 1-5 | 2.5 |
| Cinematography | 1-5 | 4 |
| Soundtrack | 1-5 | 4 |
| Originality | 1-5 | 2.5 |
Finale Grade
B
Watched 7th May 2026
~A. S.
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Written By: Arden Skye aka Ayxan Solongo aka TimeFliesAway
Favorite game/film/book: doesn’t have one, cause there are too many good ones!
About: A child of Mother Nature, traveling through the multiverse. Likes to explore the stories of unique individuals – most often referred to as “weird” in a lot of worlds.
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